Of Steroids and the Wisdom of Pooh

I’m two days into a steroid regimen for this back pain. One of those deals where you take six pills the first day, five the second, and so forth. And along the way try not to have a temper tantrum when your house mates leave a dirty dishes in the sink. F’n slobs. Pisses me off.

Oops, steroids talking there.
Good news is these steroids have helped me seriously turn a corner on the back thing. Like night a day really. All of sudden I could tie my shoes without spending 15 minutes trying to strategize how I was going to reach my feet. I’m also picking stuff up off the floor, without the grabber, for the first time in three weeks. What a relief. Bad news however, I won’t be passing any drug tests when I try out for the Olympics. Men’s Curling if you have to ask.
Ok, so after three weeks of a walker and heating pad, I can see the end of the episode. Now the question is “what am I going to differently to make sure that this doesn’t happen again?” Great question. Yes, dropping some lbs. is on that list. Get serious this time. Sort off.
I am thinking that I can get back to Tai Chi. When the Pandemic first started, I was doing Tai Chi on line. Kept it up for a few months. Problem was I couldn’t help feeling like one of those hippos in a tutu from the Disney movie. And BTW not a particularly graceful hippo.
Yeah, I look like a fool doing it, but you know, what the hell. And when I say “what the hell” that’s a big deal for me. I’m pretty self-conscious about stupid stuff.
I recently read “The Tao of Pooh” and am really intrigued by the idea whole ideal of Taoism and that “Pooh, just is” mentality. Winnie the Pooh lives in the moment. He’s no genius, but it doesn’t matter. Pooh doesn’t worry allot about what’s going on around him. Owl pontificates, Rabbit plots, Eeyore frets, and Pooh… just is. If I can get to that mindset I think my blood pressure, the BP that I’ve had trouble controlling, even with medication, for 20 years, would improve dramatically. I also might find myself unemployed. So, there’s that.
From the “know they self” file, old Sank is wound pretty tight. I worry about, would be a shorter story to tell what you what I don’t worry about. Man, I live to follow rules, even the mundane ones. (For the most part) And what do I get from my attempts to live perfectly? I find myself looking at strangers out the world and thinking to myself “man, there are a lot of people in the world who are having a lot more fun out there than I am.” Why is that?
Funny thing, when I left Target nine years ago, I took a pretty steep pay cut in pursuit of change and personal growth. And for the most part I realized that. I also expected to find better life balance than I had at Target. I wasn’t as great about finding that. However, and again from the “Know they self” file, that’s not a company issues, that almost all on me. I’ve sort of realized that I’m just note wired for balance. Every boss I’ve ever had the pleasure to work for, and some for who it wasn’t such a pleasure, would try to coach me too not be my own worst enemy. You should see my self-reviews. Typically looks like I’m trying to fire myself.
Now, good news is in the last few years there have been some changes. I find myself working in a very supportive organization, and that makes a huge difference, I have a boss these days who is genuinely concerned about my personal wellbeing. This really came out three weeks ago when I was unable to make a single meeting that I’d flown out to California for. I had coworkers who were incredible about dropping by the hotel a couple times a day with food and water.
Now, after a discussion with the bass, for the first time in 7 years, I will not be going to our giant User Conference in San Diego in July. She was more worried about me and the 14 hour days, walking miles between meetings, expos, presentations and all the other stuff that goes on around UC. I was worried about being a slacker and ducking my responsibilities.
And here’s the rub about all that, I’ve finally reached a point in my career where I have lots of credibility and am realizing some of the benefits of experience and hard work that I’ve craved for decades. Benefits like balance and working smarter not harder. and yet, somehow, I find myself having a difficult time appreciating it. I’ve been sick about missing stuff, instead of focusing on recovery and wellbeing. Or as my mentor Pooh would say “just being”
Given the state of the world at the moment, “just being” might the healthiest state of mind I could be.”